He Ain't Getting Any!!!!!

I HATE HATE HATE this phrase with a passion.!!!!!!
All of us have heard it before...
Some of you NUMEROUS times on far too many times. And the majority of the recipients of this dagger to the heart are men who have done nothing more than try to show their love to the women in their lives through affection and sexual contact.

It is the phrase a woman uses when she has unilaterally decided her man is not getting any sex from her that day or that moment or for an undertermined length of time. She blurts it out to friends and family. She says it to her lover in anger or in haste. She spells it out with her eyes in all caps without opening her lips. SHEESH!!!!!
I hate this phrase! Four words of death! Death to an erection. Death to sexual connection!

"You are not getting any!"
"He ain't gettin any tonight!"
"He can try, but he ain't!"
"I am sick of him asking for sex all the time. Well.. I've got news for him.. he ain't gettin any this time."

Why? Why? Why??????????????????????
And since when did sex become a "no name" noun of refusal and pain designed to control and hurt?

Let me tell you why I hate this phrase on a personal level.
FH used to say it to me all the time. I know.. I know.. SHOCK! But yes, there are men out there who say such things. He would say it at night usually when I decided to cuddle up next to him in bed and touch him. He would let me feast on his skin for a while and then say, "You are not getting anything else. I am too tired/sleepy/too full/or not interested." It was at this point I would shrink back into my corner of the bed and cry myself to sleep or masturbate until I fell asleep. Crying was really stupid because I would have raccoon eyes the next morning and feel like crap.

"Any"...
I was his wife and was not good enough to get "any".
I wasn't worthy enough to be loved or to be given the opportunity to show him I liked and loved him.

"Any"...
Whatever it was I wanted or thought I wanted, it was off limits to me 99.9% of the time and no amount of cooking, cleaning, listening, gift purchases, or passivity when I was rightfully angry would help me earn enough points/checkmarks/stock or bonds to get .. "any."

To the women who are reading this, when you say these hurtful words to your man, please know you are crushing his spirit.
Do you know how much courage it takes to keep coming back over and over and over and over again to a wife or lover who is not interested in receiving your love and attention, much less giving any back in return?

Do you know how much it hurts to hear these words expressed to people outside the relationship in a boastful manner seemingly proud to have won the position of "judge and jury" as to when and if sex occurs in your household? Do you honestly think that is something to be proud of?

Do you know how this hurts?
Do you have "any" idea??
Have you thought about it for "any" length of time?

Countless women would kill to be in the shoes of a woman who has a man who actually desires her and no other. To be desired is to be wanted. I would much rather have a man who wants me versus needs me because if someone wants you, they usually do need you for reasons of choice versus reasons of necessity. When someone only needs you, it doesn't necessarily mean they want you. They could just be using you to get ahead or using you for what you do for them financially or for other reasons besides needing you for being you. To be wanted is to be loved... and to me that is more powerful.

If you are one of these women who doesn't get it, please rethink your language and your treatment of the man you say you love. Take a weekend to yourself at a bed and breakfast and meditate on the matter. Go somewhere and get yourself some clarity and fast!

To the men who use this phrase, I cannot even explain to you how it feels as a woman to be told no and pushed away like a nagging gnat...not without crying anyway. It makes me speechless when I try to wrap my mind around how I felt ... and I need to finish this post... so stiff upper lip Danica.. get a grip on yourself!

I know that those of you reading this right now probably don't need to hear my thoughts on this phrase because you enjoy sex and have partners that don't treat you this way. Thank you for reading anyway.

Guess who isn't getting "any" tonight?

(sigh)

Me... yet again!

Danica