To Really Trust....

HIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so glad to be back everyone. My father is doing excellent, which has greatly reduced my stress level and things are moving along in life as usual.

My time away from blogging has produced an array of thoughts on how I live my life. How I see myself as a sexual being..
How I love..
What makes me scared...
How I address my needs or just flat out ignore them to meet the needs of others...
Even how I trust...

To truly and deeply trust another human being is absolutely terrifying when you think about it. To trust again after such trust has been broken is even worse. In my case, after years of loving from afar and my recent divorce.

As a proud calculated risk taker, I trust in cautious increments. I learned this in two ways. First, from a visually challenged friend of mine and second, through my first love. My friend has never had her vision. Thus, she uses her other senses to the max. Our conversations over the years and my observations of her have opened my eyes to how people judge others almost immediately based on what they see.. or at least what they *think* they see. My skin hunger really matured from her advice to pay attention and feel instead of just touching. I owe her so much for helping my trust mature.

My first love (a story I know I have yet to tell you about) taught me the importance of trusting carefully and paying attention to why I am trusting in the first place. I have done a fair job of this since that time, but now, I cannot emotionally afford to do it haphazardly on individuals who are not interested in me or a relationship of substance.

With my body fears and concerns, the last thing I should do is make the trust mistake with a man too soon. As a giver, I get drained by constantly shelling out to others and giving them what they need most. I love to give, but even the giver needs a vacation to refuel for the next time!

I know you are wondering why this sudden question of trust... and if you guessed a new male interest, you are correct.

And I am terrified.

Danica