I want my Wednesday posts to be "Open Mic Day"... meaning the day where I give a confession about something I want you to know about me and I allow myself to share with abadon. I think these will give you a better understanding to who I am and how I ended up being me. Some will be incredibly difficult to write and others will be a huge relief.
Wednesday's confession: I knew on the day I married FH I wasn't "in love with him."
SSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BE QUIET!!!
I know. I know. All of you are saying, "then why the hell did you marry him?"
I married FH for mental reasons and not heart reasons, a mistake I will never make again. I "thought" through the process and "thought" about our friendship foundation. I "thought" about all his faults and came to a reasonable conclusion. My conclusion: I could live with him and deal with what came with him.
Or so I thought..
The sexless marriage part was not in the cards and there were no signs of such a crazy thing happening.
Since my divorce, I have decided to ONLY marry for heart reasons in the future. I want a heart-to-heart connection that is real. I want to love him like crazy with my heart AND my mind. I want to look at him and want to swallow him whole.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM... what a man!
The question is.. can I find man who is willing to go there with me?
Danica
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8 comments:
Danica,
You are not alone. I married my wife for "mental" reasons. We were best friends, had everything in common etc... I did love her, but was not "in love".
Years later, I still love her, we have more in common than ever, but we are getting a divorce. Even when everything else is great, not being "in love" has become a deal-breaker.
It is very sad for both of us. We wish we were in love, but we are not. No amount of counseling can create that feeling.
You will find the connection you are looking for because other people want that connection too and are not willing to settle for less.
JD
"The question is.. can I find man who is willing to go there with me?"
I'm very sure that one day you will find such a man. You will be more mature in your expectations and choose more wisely. But choose wisely and don't rush into it this time.
You have to hold out for what you want. I am doing the same, and I think this time around it is going to be right... whenever that happens.
When you consider what a huge leap of faith marriage is, there is no wonder so many fall by the wayside.
People change, relationships grow in one direction or the other.
Nobody can truly say when they get married it will be forever.
Danica consider yourself emancipated. Ready to face the world with open eyes.
At 22, I left the love of my life behind and married a man who offered seemingly limitless attention and stability, but not his heart or ultimately his time.
At 28, I married my best friend, who felt as comfortable to be around as an old shoe. A great father, a great companion. But one who has never touched my soul.
At 31, my old lover moved into town.
At 40, we started having lunches.
At 43, we started an affair.
At 46, we fell completely, totally, passionately, crashingly, dangerously in love.
It's been a year now.
And it's tearing me apart.
Ok...
Leela: I am so glad to hear a female agree with me that love AND lust are important.
Late Starter: I completely agree wtih a "bring and buy sale." Those of us who had unresponsive and disintersted partners would have benefited greatly.
Jon: I am holding out for what I want. Yet.. I am scared I may be holding forever.
A Mere Man: Well.. you comment totally blows my previous comment to Jon out of the water. You are right.. even if I have to wait for a long time, I need to enjoy the journey and continue to learn about myself along the way.
Rosie: I'm pulling for you too!!!!
Suze: Emanicapted!!! YES!!!
Kissy: Wow...
I take it your current lover is the man you left at 22 for the man you ended up marrying? How did you live nine years near your lover and NOT pounce on him?
Thank you for contacting me. I will have to check out your blog and see...
Thanks to all of you for reading my blog. I learn from you and you inspire me.
Danica
Ok...
Leela: I am so glad to hear a female agree with me that love AND lust are important.
Late Starter: I completely agree wtih a "bring and buy sale." Those of us who had unresponsive and disintersted partners would have benefited greatly.
Jon: I am holding out for what I want. Yet.. I am scared I may be holding forever.
A Mere Man: Well.. you comment totally blows my previous comment to Jon out of the water. You are right.. even if I have to wait for a long time, I need to enjoy the journey and continue to learn about myself along the way.
Rosie: I'm pulling for you too!!!!
Suze: Emanicapted!!! YES!!!
Kissy: Wow...
I take it your current lover is the man you left at 22 for the man you ended up marrying? How did you live nine years near your lover and NOT pounce on him?
Thank you for contacting me. I will have to check out your blog and see...
Thanks to all of you for reading my blog. I learn from you and you inspire me.
Danica
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