I am naturally dominant...
I always have been...
You would be amazed...
When I say dominant.. that is exactly what I mean.
I enjoy sex (as you know)
I enjoy a helpless man at my fingertips...
I enjoy it all, yet I do maintain the need to be taken every now and then and feel the power of my man. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.. YUMMY!!!
I would sometimes handcuff FH to the bed and have my way with him. I eventually talked him into being naked at home so I had access to him at all times. As I have said before, he was never wanting for anything, I just had to be creative in how I dominated him since it was guranteed he would not satisfy me. And of course he never really knew what was going on.
My job is stressful, high-powered and demanding.. but I love it, thus I do have at least one avenue for the expression of my energy.
And yes.. I have had subs in the past..
All before my marriage...
But since my divorce.. my urges have returned... stronger than ever.. probably because it has been SOOO long since I have really been fucked.
Sigh...
I have come clean now.
What do you think?
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Monday, December 19, 2005
Men: The Need to Be Needed
Calling All Men .....
Calling All Men (and women who want to share personal insight).....
I have a very important question for each of you. I would be elated if you took a poll of your friends, brothers, family members, or got other male bloggers to answer this one for me. Ok.. here it goes..
Question One: How important is it for you to needed in your relationship with you lover?
Question Two: Are there certain ways you enjoy being needed more than others? If so, which ones and why? (for example: do you want to be needed more sexually than financially? or more spirtually than sexually?)
Here is my situation: I am extremely independent. I always have been. I have a career, my own money, my own friends, my own stuff. I entertain with myself and go to movies, dinner, shopping, trips - all with myself quite often and I don't think twice about it. I enjoy my personal company.
My father and mother raised me to be this way. Since my divorce, my parents are now deeply concerned that I am "too independent" and since men "need to be needed", I will be alone the remainder of my life because no man will be able to do anything for me. Our exchanges go like this...
Me: WHAT "But mom.. dad.. I can make a man cum seven ways to Sunday.."
Parents: "He still needs to be needed"
Me: "And I can love him...And we can be friends.. and I can be his cheerleader and his support system.. is that not enough?"
Parents: "Danzy, he needs to feel needed. We are concerned you cannot do this and allow yourself to have a need"
Hmmm... I am not sure what to do with their concern and here is why.
I know plenty of women who come across as completely helpless and do few things for themselves. They are needy for lots of things.. money, attention, etc. And some of these same women have wonderful men who do everything for them and they still act needy and sometimes unappreciative. I am not sure if their men love this "neediness" about them or not, but to me it seems exhausting to have to supply every need of a person. I wonder if they were taught to be needy to get a man. It must work because almost all needy women that I meet have a man in toe.
There are those women who literally create ways to make their husband/lover feel needed ..which.. if I was a man I might actually be insulted by. You have to make up a reason to have me around? What is THAT about??? These women have men as well. Lucky them..
Then there are women like me... individually strong and driven who WANT a man and don't necessarily NEED him. I can take him or leave him, but it would be great to have one as a companion/lover/friend. I enjoy them... I like them... I want to love them. What is so wrong with that?
I don't "need" a man to pay my bills unless he wants to do so.
I don't "need" a man to buy me things unless he wants to do so.
I don't "need" a man to take care of me unless he wants to do so.
And even if he wants to do all of these, he can still count on me being his helpmeet. He isn't alone in the process of conducting life. That is just silly. Why have me around if you do everything all by yourself? Doesn't that get old? Do you start to feel like a paycheck?
I am at a loss on this one. I must be doing something wrong.
I did my best to make FH feel loved and look what happened with that. Let me say, I was the breadwinner and there were times when he was unemployed. Yes, he had problems, but... did I fail to make him feel needed? Was I suppesed to do something that I didn't do?
Feedback.. please!!!
Danica
Calling All Men (and women who want to share personal insight).....
I have a very important question for each of you. I would be elated if you took a poll of your friends, brothers, family members, or got other male bloggers to answer this one for me. Ok.. here it goes..
Question One: How important is it for you to needed in your relationship with you lover?
Question Two: Are there certain ways you enjoy being needed more than others? If so, which ones and why? (for example: do you want to be needed more sexually than financially? or more spirtually than sexually?)
Here is my situation: I am extremely independent. I always have been. I have a career, my own money, my own friends, my own stuff. I entertain with myself and go to movies, dinner, shopping, trips - all with myself quite often and I don't think twice about it. I enjoy my personal company.
My father and mother raised me to be this way. Since my divorce, my parents are now deeply concerned that I am "too independent" and since men "need to be needed", I will be alone the remainder of my life because no man will be able to do anything for me. Our exchanges go like this...
Me: WHAT "But mom.. dad.. I can make a man cum seven ways to Sunday.."
Parents: "He still needs to be needed"
Me: "And I can love him...And we can be friends.. and I can be his cheerleader and his support system.. is that not enough?"
Parents: "Danzy, he needs to feel needed. We are concerned you cannot do this and allow yourself to have a need"
Hmmm... I am not sure what to do with their concern and here is why.
I know plenty of women who come across as completely helpless and do few things for themselves. They are needy for lots of things.. money, attention, etc. And some of these same women have wonderful men who do everything for them and they still act needy and sometimes unappreciative. I am not sure if their men love this "neediness" about them or not, but to me it seems exhausting to have to supply every need of a person. I wonder if they were taught to be needy to get a man. It must work because almost all needy women that I meet have a man in toe.
There are those women who literally create ways to make their husband/lover feel needed ..which.. if I was a man I might actually be insulted by. You have to make up a reason to have me around? What is THAT about??? These women have men as well. Lucky them..
Then there are women like me... individually strong and driven who WANT a man and don't necessarily NEED him. I can take him or leave him, but it would be great to have one as a companion/lover/friend. I enjoy them... I like them... I want to love them. What is so wrong with that?
I don't "need" a man to pay my bills unless he wants to do so.
I don't "need" a man to buy me things unless he wants to do so.
I don't "need" a man to take care of me unless he wants to do so.
And even if he wants to do all of these, he can still count on me being his helpmeet. He isn't alone in the process of conducting life. That is just silly. Why have me around if you do everything all by yourself? Doesn't that get old? Do you start to feel like a paycheck?
I am at a loss on this one. I must be doing something wrong.
I did my best to make FH feel loved and look what happened with that. Let me say, I was the breadwinner and there were times when he was unemployed. Yes, he had problems, but... did I fail to make him feel needed? Was I suppesed to do something that I didn't do?
Feedback.. please!!!
Danica
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Confession Wednesday: I wasn't in love..
I want my Wednesday posts to be "Open Mic Day"... meaning the day where I give a confession about something I want you to know about me and I allow myself to share with abadon. I think these will give you a better understanding to who I am and how I ended up being me. Some will be incredibly difficult to write and others will be a huge relief.
Wednesday's confession: I knew on the day I married FH I wasn't "in love with him."
SSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BE QUIET!!!
I know. I know. All of you are saying, "then why the hell did you marry him?"
I married FH for mental reasons and not heart reasons, a mistake I will never make again. I "thought" through the process and "thought" about our friendship foundation. I "thought" about all his faults and came to a reasonable conclusion. My conclusion: I could live with him and deal with what came with him.
Or so I thought..
The sexless marriage part was not in the cards and there were no signs of such a crazy thing happening.
Since my divorce, I have decided to ONLY marry for heart reasons in the future. I want a heart-to-heart connection that is real. I want to love him like crazy with my heart AND my mind. I want to look at him and want to swallow him whole.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM... what a man!
The question is.. can I find man who is willing to go there with me?
Danica
Wednesday's confession: I knew on the day I married FH I wasn't "in love with him."
SSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BE QUIET!!!
I know. I know. All of you are saying, "then why the hell did you marry him?"
I married FH for mental reasons and not heart reasons, a mistake I will never make again. I "thought" through the process and "thought" about our friendship foundation. I "thought" about all his faults and came to a reasonable conclusion. My conclusion: I could live with him and deal with what came with him.
Or so I thought..
The sexless marriage part was not in the cards and there were no signs of such a crazy thing happening.
Since my divorce, I have decided to ONLY marry for heart reasons in the future. I want a heart-to-heart connection that is real. I want to love him like crazy with my heart AND my mind. I want to look at him and want to swallow him whole.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM... what a man!
The question is.. can I find man who is willing to go there with me?
Danica
Monday, December 05, 2005
Kissing: It Unlocks the Soul
The saying goes that the eyes are the windows to the soul.
I feel that kissing unlocks the soul. Don't you agree?
Something about the way we humans kiss.. it moves us.
Personally, it makes me open up and want eat the person I am kissing. I cannot get close enough to him. I want him to submerge his body into mine..
Thus.. my soul opens up.
Sigh..
I miss kissing.
It has been nine months since I kissed a man and well over a year since I REALLY kissed a man.
My lips are starving. For those of you who have the ability, remember to really kiss your partner. Their soul is crying out to you each and every time you do.
Danica
I feel that kissing unlocks the soul. Don't you agree?
Something about the way we humans kiss.. it moves us.
Personally, it makes me open up and want eat the person I am kissing. I cannot get close enough to him. I want him to submerge his body into mine..
Thus.. my soul opens up.
Sigh..
I miss kissing.
It has been nine months since I kissed a man and well over a year since I REALLY kissed a man.
My lips are starving. For those of you who have the ability, remember to really kiss your partner. Their soul is crying out to you each and every time you do.
Danica
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