Confession Wednesday: Silently Self-Conscious

Greetings All!!!!

Boy have I missed all of you. The past couple of months have been rough and busy. But I think things have finally settled down to a low roar.

It's Confession Wednesday so I suppose I will confess something.
I recall sharing that I am a dominant woman, but I really didn't explain very much or reveal a little twist to my story. So here it goes...

I have always been direct, concise and sure of myself and my abilities in my profession. I enjoy people and learning things about them. Yet, I enjoy being quiet and listening, which I do a WHOLE lot of.

I didn't realize that my dominant nature spread into my sexuality until college.
I had a boyfriend who asked me to tie him up one night. I did. And that was the beginning of a wonderful freedom for me.

Let me be clear, I am not into blood or pain. The type of control I enjoy is completely knowing my man inside and out and knowing I possess the power to make him cum like no one else can. I like knowing I can touch him or take him and that he allows me to do so.
The thrill of the power to please.... It really is better to give than receive.

Here is the twist:
It is hard for me to imagine the pleasure I release on my man/partner being returned to me. Behind closed doors, I am shy and self-conscious about that type of vulnurability. EEK!!!!! I was naked with FH all the time (as you know) so I was not shy with him. I was used to him at least seeing me in my nakedness. Had he been interested in making my toes curl the way I made his curl, I probably would have been relaxed at first, but to receive the kind of pleasure I dish out... I am not sure I could fully handle it.

Why? Well, I would want to make sure he was pleased and I would miss the control I am so used to having. Being in control of my next move and visually drinking his responses to my touch. Secondly, my mind would be racing with thoughts. Those two things would make it so hard to relax... at least I think.

Releasing my body to another has always been a source of silent fear for me.
I was open and willing to do it in my marriage, and believe me that took some time. But now.. I am terrfied to try that again. There is so much comfort in control and providing pleasure to another. By providing, I am able to measure their happiness with what is going on that very moment and know for sure I have provided what they needed and desired. My mind can saturate itself in creative thoughts and not self-conscious ones.

And so goes my confession.


Danica