ATTENTION MEN: Don't make her compete...

Friendship is powerful.
Friendship is rewarding.
Friendship is comfortable.
Friendship is love.

We all have friends in some form... and hopefully, to all of you reading this blog, you have and have had amazing friendships and you cherish them accordingly.

I feel when a man is seriously considering marriage and saying to a woman, "Excuse me Miss, please love me and share your life with me for the rest of your only life," sacrifices will have to be made along with permanent changes in how that person and his spouse conducts themselves in life because their choices now affect a unit of two.

This weekend a male friend made a shocking, yet revealing statement about the importance and permanence of his female friends in his life. He said, and I quote:

"No woman will ever make me chose between my friends. My friends have been there for me in ways she has not."

Wow.... I mean WOW!!!!
I was speechless...

The conversation was about whether or not he might have put the mother of his child in a very difficult place by maintaining a close friendship with her cousin (of all people). He didn't understand the point I was making, which was the mother of his child should never have to compete for attention or respect.
She should never have to wonder...
She should never have to catch a glimpse of even a *look* of impropriety since often, it is not an actual wrong that has been committed, but instead the thought of the possibility of something uncomfortable happening with a person we love and another woman or man.

In the last post, I told you I had a new interest. I have since reviewed the position of the women in his life and I see some signs that make me uncomfortable.
Personally, I will not compete with a female friend who has not signed up to be there for all the intimacies that marriage and family entails and did not promise her life to my husband. I took the vows, not her.
At this point in my life, I have plenty of friends. I desire something much more than that. In terms of the male interest, I feel should be judicious with my time since I can only control myself. He has shown signs of a similar "female friend fanaticism" and I should take him at his word and respect his actions as what he wants to do, which means there is no room for me.

My friend felt his female friends too valuable to erase. He is right.
I would and do feel the very same way about male and female friends since my friends helped make the story of my life to present day. They have the past. A future spouse steps into the the present and holds the future. I cannot hold on to the past in the same way and expect my future partner to just "deal." Not possible. Marriage and friendships are not equal.

The moral of this story is every friend you have has a family and believe me, the majority of them will choose family first.
We choose our friends.
We don't chose our family which makes them a permanent fixture.
Marriage is the beginning of your living legacy...
It starts generations of bloodlines..
It is important.
Thus, doesn't it make sense to let your life, love and service be directed towards the woman or man who CHOSE to be the one to be there for you for life? How can you say, "Please love me and accept me, but this woman over here stays and you cannot force me to let her go or redefine our friendship." Additionally, what woman would want to make a man feel like he was forced to let a friend go and deal with the unavoidable resentment he will feel for years to come?

Call me stupid...
You can even accuse me of overreacting... or being jealous.
And that is ok. I know how I feel and it is strongly about the presence of uninvited guests in a two-person relationship. No new love interest can compete with your past. All female friends will ALWAYS have years of your life she simply cannot memorize or repeat.

For those of you who find yourself in this situation, please do not make the woman who loves you compete with a female who holds your past. She simply cannot compete.

Thoughts?

Dancia